Everyday a day to show you care

Posted by admin on February 6th, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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Valentine day is coming up next weekend, hubby and I don’t really have plans for it because I have a woman retreat that weekend. We sometimes will go out but you know every weekend we go out and spend time just him and I. We don’t really celebrate it but it a nice day to let someone know they are special to you and mean a lot, one way to do that is personalized gifts. Gifts are nice to get and give, but we need to remember that if we only do that once a year does it actually tell that person we love them and care for them. Does it really show them anything at all if we only show them once a year, I don’t believe it does, what lets me know my husband values me is when he comes home with Flowers. When he comes home with something he knows I like even if it’s something which cost only a buck or so. It’s nice to sometimes have something given to you nice, for no reason at all but just to let the person your thinking about them.
As a wife and a caregiver or a elderly parent, sometimes I do feel a little overlooked or under appreciated. Sometimes it what’s for dinner, or I need this or that. Or what have you, or clean this not realizing that the cleaning fairies don’t come in to clean the house. I appreciate it when my husband comes home and notices I cleaned the house or done something and actually says something, it lets me know what I have been doing is noticed. This shouldn’t only be told to someone once a year it should be told to them often enough so that when valentine day comes they don’t feel your just being nice because of a stupid romantic holiday, and shoot you don’t show me it. Now I am not saying my hubby is perfect and seeing or acknowledging what I have done, he needs some improve but so do I. I don’t always tell hubby I see what he does, but sometimes in the store if I know he wants something I will get it for him.
Just like with our relationship with G-d we can’t just well thank HIM once a year, and be good with it. It hard to build a relationship with someone when you do not spend time with them.


Finding time

Posted by admin on January 29th, 2010 filed in Faith, prayer
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Praying isn’t like doing a pop displays, because sometimes it requires a lot more talking or sharing. The last couple weeks I been praying while driving home from or to work, because it is easier to do that less distraction of things. I know people who say you should pray right when you get up, or raise early and pray I do not not agree with this, I believe time spent with G-d needs to be when you are most alert or able to function best. My husband is not a morning person and frankly no one should be inflected with him in the morning, now that being said I love my hubby. I am more of a morning person then hubby I can be happy in the morning but I can get cranky pretty easily too. Hubby is a night owl, so he probably be happy talking to G-d way after I am a sleep and that’s okay as long as he has time to spend with HIM. My husband the other day brought up how sometimes people try to convince him to get up early and spend time praying, then I didn’t tell him this at the time, but was tempted too. What I would have told him was “Why so you can fall asleep.” I find for me the best time is in the middle of the day while dad is sleeping, because no one is around to disturb me. The important thing to do is find a time which works well. Grant it lately I been doing it in the car, so if I want I can speak outloud, so I am sure a lot of people think I am crazy but oh well.
Now does my day go better when I pray in the morning No, and hey if I need G-d he’s there anyways, and all I have to do is call on him. He never leaves, so why does it matter if I am a morning prayer, evening or late night prayer, it shouldn’t.


In August 4 years

Posted by admin on January 21st, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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My hubby and I will have been married for 4 years in August, I can’t believe it’s been that long already. It doesn’t seem like it one of the things my hubby brought up last night is that he feels our marriage in a way has been build around dad, which in some ways it has been, but I am not worried about the marraige and it won’t make me need any anti wrinkle creams. Why am I not worried abut hubby and my relationship? Easy we have build our relationship before marriage and we build it on a strong foundations. We never did anything before marriage which would cause him or I trouble with trust, now I am not saying we haven’t done anything stupid that we’ve needed to repent of but we have build our relationship on a healthy foundation. Since before marriage hubby and I haven’t had it easy, and you know it won’t be easy when Dad passes away and depending on how we handle it could grow us together or break us apart. We have no children yet, and probably won’t for a few more years maybe, because of my schooling. I am done with the bachelors degree, and now just have the masters and hopefully will not have to worry about getting a doctorite. I wish I knew where G-d was going to call hubby and I, and maybe I aught to actually be spending time in prayer so when G-d tells hubby I will have the knowledge too so I can conform it.


Should I stop or should I go

Posted by admin on January 21st, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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I have been living in this apartment for over 3 years now, and I have gotten to know one of my neighbor ladies, she hasn’t been doing well. I came home from my AM shift and saw her door was open this isn’t normal. I was debating if I should just go home, and see if it was opened later, but I decided against that idea figuring that she a elederly lady and well what if something was wrong. Recently she has had some health troubles, so I decided I would knock on the door to make sure she was okay.
She came to the door and said that she had people coming in and out all day, and was about to take down the trash and the phone rang. Well I am glad she is okay, because I would feel very bad if she wasn’t, but I also will probably stop and make sure she okay if the door is found opened again.
What I would like to know is whatphentermine diet pills, and how they work.


Like a puzzle

Posted by admin on January 21st, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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Sometimes I feel faith is like a puzzle, you have many pieces but they don’t always fit together. Just like the body we have many talents and pieces and sometimes figuring out where someone belongs or what their strengths are can be challenging, just like finding the best weight loss drinks to try. Sometimes you have to try more then one of them to find out. One of my frustrations is sometimes people get after me because I am not using my talents the way they feel I aught to be using them, and then they don’t like hear the well I am using them. This last year I been trying to learn how to do the messianic dance, and I will probably continue doing the classes so I can learn.
I believe it is good to learn how to do other things, then just where your strongest talents lay because sometimes it good to do something new and challenging. I am someone I like to learn, and I like to use my talent but I have seen right now my stronger talent isn’t needed or wanted at this point in time that not saying I am unwilling it’s just G-d is not using me there, or he’s using me clearly by being where I am at.


You don’t have

Posted by admin on January 21st, 2010 filed in Faith, prayer
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Sometimes things around here get a little hectic with dad, and he doesn’t want to ask for what he needs or wants and then he gets mad when he doesn’t get it. Many times I have told him you do not have because you have not asked and we can’t read minds. I’ve been thinking about a few scripture which talk about asking for what you want or well maybe need, and the one I am thinking of talks about we have not because we don’t ask. A few years ago I was losing a lot of hair enough to worry me. I use to have very thick here, and let me tell you I didn’t want to do anyhair loss treatments, but I did pray. It wasn’t till after I got married that my hair started getting thicker, and I started noticing why. I noticed one day that when I am stressed or worried about something I start pulling or twisting my hair which isn’t good to do but it how I deal with somethings sometimes.
Even though G-d isn’t like us where he needs us to ask, so he knows what we need. I believe G-d has told us to ask HIM for what we want not for hisself but for our faith to grow our faith. Now I know G-d has many times provided me with what I needed with out me asking him for it, and you know normally during those time, my faith doesn’t grow very much but it does grow when I ask him for something I need. I believe prayer is more then just telling G-d what you need or want but also spending time listening and hearing him, and then obeying.


Can’t change

Posted by admin on January 21st, 2010 filed in Faith
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Last night my husband brought up something that sometimes happens in church, where someone comes in and they love it at the place, but then decide that well they want to change it to what they are more familiar with even though they came looking to get away. One question that was ask why do people go to a church or marry someone and then try or want to change the reason they went that direction in the first place, it would be like actually finding aanti aging product that truly worked and then decide to well go back to the old way. My thought was that maybe people want to change a church or spouse to what is familiar to them.
I will admit I would not want to change anything about my congregation, or at least the way Rabbi teaches and how we follow the Torah, and honor G-ds Sabbaths. Recently we started celebrating the New Moon services, and well I am glad we did, because what better reason to come together to Worship G-d then for him giving us a new day, and a new month. Yes I know I said I was in a snit about Rabbi bring back together our congregation, and that I didn’t know if I would return right away. To be honest I probably will unless I decide to take time of Praying while dad and hubby are gone at service but I probably won’t because honestly I enjoy the fellowship a lot.


Bad moods

Posted by admin on January 18th, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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Have you ever noticed when someone is in a bad mood it does not take long for everyone else to be in a bad mood they are around. Dad has been in a bad mood for a while, and sometimes it hard to not follow him into that mood. I know a lot of it has to do with his problem, and being confused about when it actually is, and that is enough to drive you crazy when you realize what is happening to you. To bad we can not have backup for our memory, like online backup, this way we could just reinstall the programs or memories we are losing, and get back to where we were.
Dad has been confusing a lot of different things, and he been moody. He doesn’t want to eat sometimes so I pretty much have to be like, “get up your eating”. He does eat if I put it down in front of him so, so far it’s working well. We have to tell him when to take a bath because he won’t take one unless I tell him to do so. We try to get him to bath when he goes out or the day before, and sometimes he don’t want to. So I end up telling him he smells and no one wants to smell him. He tells people that he doesn’t have enough clothes when well, he got plenty. We get him new clothes often, so it sometimes frustrating.
One thing for sure when we finally have kids we will be ready for the divide on conquer routine. Dad will do this often, he sometimes will try to start arguments between hubby and I, so we sometimes have to think before we say or do anything. We need to talk to eachother but then if we do he gets upset at us. Let me tell you hubby and I don’t need help not getting along somedays. I love my hubby but some parts of our personality is so similar it’s just not a good thing. Then when hubby and I argue or disagree or appear to then dad worried we going to leave eachother. So we can’t talk around dad, hubby and I need to find a better way to communicate then verbally around dad, so we can well speak to eachother.
Some days hubby and I feel alone even though we know there are other dealing with the same things. I do know when we;ve looked for support groups the caregivers seem to be spouses and not children, and they don’t understand or relate to us well. I wish I could find someone who understood what hubby and I are going through.
This week dad was annoyed with Rabbi because G-d told Rabbi to bring the congregation back together, and dad felt that his son was doing well leading the congregation with out Rabbi there. So we had to explain to him several times that it had nothing to do with hubby but more of what G-d wanted, and that Rabbi isn’t against hubby being a Rabbi but Hubby needs to well frankly improve some things in life. One question I asked dad is Do you think hubby ready to be a Rabbi yet. My answer is Probably not. Let me explain, I am not against my hubby being a Rabbi he make a good one but both of us need to well increase and improve out walks with G-d. We need to wait for G-ds call, and then when he calls us it will be time for us to go and G-d has said G-d to hubby and I yet, and when he does, Hubby will do what he feels he called to do and I will be there to support him in it.
Being a Rabbi or Rabbi wife is not a light thing, there is a lot of responsibility and frankly unless we both of a good strong prayer life, it wouldn’t be healthy. Dad doesn’t see it the same way, but maybe hubby and I should learn not to let dad know things and well when it happens he can deal with it and be upset later.


Be happy

Posted by admin on January 18th, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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I am someone who is hard to read because when I am happy I don’t always look like I am happy. It’s not because I am not happy, but I don’t always smile, and I think a lot. I am a problem solver, and sometimes people just don’t get that about me. Well this weekend I was in a snit I guess, I can’t say I was happy or unhappy this weekend I just was in a indifferent mood. I decided not to dance because of it and well I will just say I am surprised anyone would say anything nice about my singing because I had the attitude of I don’t care. I think it’s time for a vacation or something maybe innew orleans or somewhere.
Lately I have received a lot of encouragement about singing. Not that I dont like singing actually I love it. But I am getting tired of having to answer the question of why aren’t you on the worship team. My answer now is because I need to be out here to encourage other to sing too, if you have all the good singer on the worship team not many would want to sing.
I don’t know if that right but shoot it all I can think of. G-d gives us talents, and maybe he given me a talent to sing people at my congregation seem to think so. I love to sing and write and compose, but I haven’t exactly been comfortable with sharing my music, because I been hurt enough and learned to many hard lesson when it comes to music and being open with people. Everything I went through was almost 10 years ago, and well I still in some ways have some of the same feelings. I know I have healed a lot but I am starting to wonder if some of those wounds which I have will ever disappear or if they will always be there to haunt me. I have forgiven those I must but I well fear sharing more then just singing along. I don’t want to open my self of to the it’s not Messianic enough or Christian enough or the Beat doesn’t Honor G-d or G-d can’t use you…. I have noticed something with people they will encourage you when your not using what they believe you aught to but some of those people are the first one to tell you it’s not good enough.
I have belonged to many congregations through out my walk, and I am glad I found this place, my husband lead me to it. Finally I fit somewhere even though lately I feel more indifferent and not sure where I belong right now, but honestly it not because of Rabbi or the congregation it because of me.
I guess I have to either step out in faith and stop being a baby about something and be more open, shoot I been going to this congregation for 6 years soon, and still some of my closes friends there don’t know anything about what I do with my hobbies. This is the longest I been under any Rabbi or Pastor and I have healed, so maybe my unhappyness isn’t the fault of them but the fault of myself and sitting her feeling I can’t trust anyone because last time I did I was hurt. I am pretty sure some of those who don’t know or know but never really been shared with know me well enough and wouldn’t do what others have done that didn’t know me well. I am not saying I am going to trust everyone but people who haven’t done anything to break trust or who have been around for a while, and I formed friendships or bonds with I am probably safe sharing with them.


Forgiveness

Posted by admin on January 17th, 2010 filed in Uncategorized
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A theme my husband seems to be speaking on is forgiveness. He been talking on the parables of Yeshua, it’s amazing how many times the word talks about forgiveness. I believe there are different degrees of forgiveness or maybe different types of forgiveness because there are some people who are forgiven but they are not safe to be around. I at times wonder if G-d tells us to forgive more for our own health then for the other person. Yes I know forgiveness is hard and sometimes you just have to ask G-d to provide you with the grace to forgive. I have had a few people I have had to do that with and those few are people I can not let in my life because they would be very damaging.
My husband in away sounds like our Rabbi not that he takes word for word what Rabbi says on forgiveness but he believes the same way. My hubby has a lot of respect for Rabbi and wants Rabbi blessing pretty much when he steps out to do something new which is great. I think what hubby doing will save him a lot of heart ache later.
You know with forgiveness Yeshua gave a number or example which I am sorry after about 100 times you’d lose count of where you are on forgiving a person but that forgiveness doesn’t come before preserving life, I am not talking about youthology but if having the person in your life would cause a death or lose of life, they still need to be forgiven but not let back into your life. Forgiveness has been a hard thing for me to get, especially when I first started learning about forgiving some of those people who well frankly do not deserve the forgiveness I have given them. Forgiveness is hard, but it’s needed.