The things I would tell my dad

There are so many things I would tell my dad. I would tell him life was hard growing up before I found him. Life after meeting him improved so much, for the first time I didn’t feel unwanted or like a mistake. I felt wanted and needed, because of him wanting me. I wish I could have gotten to know him better.

Father are their daughter or sons example of G-d if we do not know our Father or have a bad father figure we do not see G-d in the most healthiest light. When people talk about G-d and explain him as a father it hard to see that and relate to it, but I at least can think about my dad and what little time we had.

I would tell my dad I wish he could have walked me down the isle of my wedding. I wish he could met my husband Craig, because I think they would get along very well.

I would tell him what grandma said to me so many times. Stop looking at me like that! Your doing what your dad always did when he was mad, that fire in the eyes or when he was up to no good. It used to bother me being compared to my dad because I knew it had to hurt grandma for me to be so much like him. I would tell dad thank you for telling grandma I was running away from the state and make it possible for me to come home.

I would tell my dad him choosing not to treat his cancer with anything makes me mad, because I wanted more time with him. I know this sounds selfish, but I loved my dad and No i didn’t want to see him suffering the way he was. I would ask him why he choose not take treatment. Why he choose not to fight. I know he didn’t choose this because he didn’t want me, but sometimes i feel he choose death over his family.  Death may have been easier, I know it unfair to say this or maybe feel this way.

I would tell him I wish you could have watch me graduate from High school, and I would tell him about college. I would ask him what he thought I would be good at. At one point in time I was going to join the Military as a Chaplin, but couldn’t do that because of my asthma. It was during a time of peace now might be a different story.  I would show him picture of important events in my life that he missed.

I would tell him, I wish you could have been a grandpa to my kids, because I know they be safe if they are lift alone with you for a couple hours. Not that I would dump my kids on their grand parents, but I would want them to be able to spend time with them.  We don’t have kids yet.

I would tell him about stuff that happened that I am having a hard time getting over. Sadly I will never get to tell him anything again. I feel sorry for my older sister who doesn’t know dad because she refused to meet him. It is to late and the clocks can not be changed. I wish it could, I wish i would have found him  earlier, and I would have told him that. I know there is nothing I could have done to stop the cancer or change the out come. I wish there was. November is so hard, because it when I think the most about him.

I know I am not saying everything in my post that I would like to. It hard to say things to a person who isn’t a live any longer. So i am just doing the jest of it.