A conversation with my mom

My mom was born in 1955, she had me when she was I want to say 21 when she had me. Growing up my mom fall into the wrong crowd and got into drugs and alcohol, one of her boyfriend was into Satanism. He was not a pleasant person. I had to do a lot of forgiving of my mom for what had happened in the home. I do not blame my mom because I know this guy had control over her. Sometimes I get frustrated with my mom because she say things which are hurtful, or because she slip up and return to a mess she lift long ago.

Last year I had gotten to the point of where I had to tell her, if this keeps happening and if you do not stop doing this every time we talk. I can not talk to you. This was very hard. I had to lay down the law with her husband, he better then the other guys. In the past he has said thing which a step father has no business saying his wife daughter no matter how old they are. I like him but he kind of creep and don’t know boundaries.

Tonight my mom called me, she was crying. Normally when she calls me crying it either because her and him are having a spat and she wants me to help her, or talk to her about it. A couple weeks ago she called me about her cat who was sick. I had told my mom, if the cat is sick it might be best to put it to sleep if the Vet is unable to figure out what is wrong with her. Well the vet evidently  did not do a good job and never caught something that was slowly killing my mom cat. I know my mom she is a very compassionate person, and that cat was pretty much like another child of her.  She has had snow for 14 or 15 years, so the cat is close. She called me to be there for her because she can cry for me.

My mom said something to me tonight that made me feel bad for her, she said, ” I can’t cry in front of him, because he can’t handle it, but I can cry with you because he won’t see me.” My mom felt the need to hide from her husband that she was crying. She told me she felt so alone, even though he was there for her.  My mom should not feel alone if he supporting her, and I starting to wonder if he is truly support.

My husband and I have been dealing with his mom being ill. It has been very stressful for both of us, but neither of us feel a lone. We both know and understand it okay to cry and it is okay to share our feelings with one and other. We believe that G-d created each of us to support the other to fill the void. Yes sometimes we fight, like last night when we are both not feeling good, and we were both struggling and did not feel like sharing with each other. When we start holding secrets or holding our feelings to protect the other this when we do the other the greatest amount of harm other.

I told my mom she and her husband should be able to cry in front of each other because you both need to be there for each other and carry their burdens.