head in the sand

Can I just stick my head in the sand, I think that would be better. On Friday my mom in law pass away, you’d think that be enough to deal with. My laptop caught a virus that my detector never caught. I spoke to Rabbi and he said I should be able to get raid of the stupid thing with out being the computer to the beginning. Got home and my PSP broke. Well, I have my laptop back up and running as good as ever. I lost my Word 2003 disk somewhere.
Okay, I am feeling slightly stressed anyhow. It hard being with out my husband mom. She was a great woman of G-d, and I am feeling slightly down. I haven’t even touch my homework yet, because I was working on my computer for so long. I still haven’t heard about my grade in accounting.
I know that this might be my way to grieve because I have been just so unorganized, and I can’t seem to think straight. Last night I almost told him, we should call, oh yeah idiot can’t call! I ended up breaking down in the litergical part of service, normally I don’t cry in front of people. I try not to but I just couldn’t help it. It seems this congregation I have cried at more in the open then anywhere else. I must be feeling rather safe with my congregation. One of the Elders spoke with my husband and direct him to get grief support more directed to cancer, which is the same thing I have been telling my hubby. Hubby found a group but it didn’t do him much good. He found one last night that more specific to cancer which I think will do us better.
It hard to lose a love one, but when you lose them to cancer which is eating them away. That is slowly killing them and you have to watch that happening it different then just suddenly losing the person. I think knowning someone is in their last hours, days or month does more to the mind then when it just so sudden. I am not saying that there is no grief when you lose a love one becuase their is, but what I am saying that if you need grief support it need to focus more within a certian grouping then just any old support. We were told to go to the American Cancer Association, my hubby found a group which meets once a month on Thursday, so I think we might give that a try. Since mom gone, we might not need to much help getting through our grief.
I am hoping all my homework can be completed before Tuesday if not then when I get home from class I will be working rather hard on getting it in before midnight or 2am my time. One thing my husband adn I will miss once we start having kids is mom would have had wonderful unique baby gifts, she has always like making things. Since her stroke she hasn’t been able to do much of anything with her hands. I feel bad that I will never be able to share my song with mom, but maybe she will hear it from Heaven who knows.
I was very close to her, and I saw her as a friend and a mother.