Long day

Family sometimes can be trying and hard, but there is blessing too. Things for dad has been a lot of ups and down the past few months. He moved to 3 places counting ours, and he’s not been the most pleasant person to deal with. At church he started cussing at me, and I responded with Dad what your language to be honest with him right now, I am not exactly happy with him even though I love him. Lately I been told how stupid or dumb I am, I can’t tell you how many times he called me dumb **** which isn’t very nice.
The other day we were eating dinner and he was criticizing just about everything and I started to feel very overwhelmed.. I got stressed, when I get stressed and even when I am not stressed some times my Ch sound like Sh unless I am really thinking before I say. So Chicken sounds Shicken. I don’t mean to do it, it’s just something odd with how I speak. Dad had been picking on my accent for a while that day too, so by the time dinner came a round and he said shitken I felt hurt, and at the end of my rope with dealing with the insults, so I went to the bedroom to get away from everyone. I am someone if I am going to cry I am going to walk away and hide. I know about forgiveness, and that it needs to come right away. Dad always worried I won’t want him around, because geeh I been too two other places who didn’t want me because of saying things, so soon they’ll get raid of me too. Today I had to explain to him just because I walk away or when my voice sounds sharp it not really directed at anything.
Today dad was being mean, said something very hurtful at church, I am glad none of our Jewish members were around because his comment could have made them not really want to go. Craig felt maybe dad was feeling pressured, we haven’t pressured him.
Often dad will say thing which could get us in trouble if someone isn’t welling to find out why things are being done how they are, Friday night was one of those night. Dad was talking to a lady at church who a therapist of some sort and pretty much told her we didn’t let him go no where. I am glad she asked me to explain what was going on. When I explained dad doesn’t know his way around and until he can tell Craig and I how to get home from places we go than we will drive him to protect him. G-d has blessed me with my husband dad, even though right now he a onrycuss to live with, but I understand and realize I need to be compassionate.
Later dad told hubby He didn’t know why he said what he said or even where it came from, and those words can’t be taken back. The thing with words is they are powerful. I was telling my husband earlier today you know I’d rather heal from physical abuse than emotional abuse because emotional to me seems like it last longer then physical. Today I just didn’t want to have any more criticism, I can’t change who I am or my Family Heritage and for the first time today with dad I didn’t feel accepted or love because I was to “Jewish”. I said excuse me, and I threw my hands up and said I give up, you want to go out and get yourself lost fine, you wanna go to church on Sunday that fine and I walked out. I was so upset and taken back. My husband was shocked, with his dad.
Tonight we needed to get away and we had a dinner arrangement with one of our church members. We went over there and they blessed us and recharged our spiritual batteries. Dad wasn’t feeling well so we lift him at home, and took the time for me and hubby to spend together which we really needed. I been in need of a winter jack, and was trying to figure out how I’d get the money for it with just starting a new job and not actually starting my first day of Training until Jan 6th. I was blessed with a good winter jacket which is what I need right now. We had a wonderful meal, and a great time with the family, and they had me light the Hanukkah candles to night and I did the blessing in Hebrew, by reading the Hebrew… I was surprised I did okay, because there was no vowel points, and no indication on the Shin to tell me if it was a Shin or Sin, but I was able to figure it out. I think I better start reading the Torah again and brushing up on my Hebrew, I know it, and soon I might start reading the Torah on a rotation with a few others, so LOL it be good for me to start following along weekly.