Sharing with a friend

Today my husband and I had a chance to visit a friend. She is a close friend of ours, and we haven’t really had a lot of time to visit with friends since mom illness and dad moved in. I love my husband dad and I would never change inviting him to stay with us. There are something my husband and I haven’t shared with many people, and I doubt many people realize some of the sacrafices me and my husband have made for the family.
Almost a year ago we lost my husband mom to cancer, and shortly after that we took dad in to live with us. Since mom illness my husband and I have had to be extra responsible and the ones to take care of everything. Since the time we stayed in the hotel by mom close to the hospital my husband or I haven’t been able to grieve or mourn the lost of his mom. It’s been difficult for us, because everyone expects us to keep the family together, we can’t share with other how hard it’s been on us.
So when hubby or I get upset or respond a little shorter then normal people are more likely to take offense with something, and not realize that maybe we are just responding. At first our grief caused trouble for us when it was fresh. My husband and I have been able to work through a lot of the grief, now but we still have some issues.
When my dad passed away from mesothelioma, I never realized how blessed my grandma and I were, we had support from the staff where dad was at. We were able to share. With my husband mom it hasn’t been like this, I know my hubby misses his mom and so do I. I was very close to her, and in many ways her death has taken me back. How have I dealt with the grief, I guess I write, I wrote her a song, and now I can’t find the stupid thing. I brought this up too. My friend told me if your meant to find it you will….
My husband and I both shared how we really felt like during this time we were alone and couldn’t go to anyone not even our Rabbi. Not because of anything Rabbi did but because of how our family made us feel, like we had to be the ultraresponsible ones, we weren’t allowed to show any emotions, me more so then my husband.
I didn’t share with Rabbi or my congregation how I felt because I simply felt like who could understand how close I got to a woman I didn’t grow up with. One thing that hubby mom showed me was unconditional love like no other. When it came her time to pass she wasn’t worried about her passing but about her husband, and family, if we’d all be okay. I made a promise I would take care of Dad, and I have been doing my best to take care of dad. Sometimes I feel I haven’t succeeded.
One thing my friend suggest to both hubby and I is to use our Talents to deal with it. For hubby write about it, and for me write a song about it. It’s amazing how encouraging my friends are for my hobby when I pretty much have well been so discouraged with it that I have pretty much gave up if I want to be honest with myself. I miss writing music and playing guitar or paino but with taking care of dad going to school that’s simply on the backburner.