Some wounds heal slow

I have started taking guitar lessons recently. I am glad I did I am learning things I need to know to improve as a guitar player, and I guess its a step to healing. I have experience some hurtful things and some things which have broken me down in my confidence. I am taking lesson from my worship leader at my congregation. I have shared some of the wounds, I have endured and that G-d is healing me from. I have hidden talents according to people but I don;t see that.
As leaders, teachers, and parents its important for us to be careful what we speak when trying to make people want to try harder to become better this doesn’t always work. Some people can do it and not affect them. I used to be like that but after hearing it on so many fronts I gave up and started believing what people said about me. But you know the words people spoke to me was not the only thing which broke my spirit, if I was painfully honest I would say what broke me and chased me away from what I believed at the time G-d had called me to. I know I told G-d that night I will never sing again but you know I just can’t seem to not do that, and I love singing and praising him. Plus if I don’t I grow tired of being lectured.
For quiet some time G-d has placed on my heart to take guitar lessons, and I have avoided it because I do not want to open myself up to hurt. It is painful. the things which broke me where 1st hearing for close to five years how I was not talented enough or if i could sing like this person or that person or what ever they felt they had to say. The thing that really did me in was when I was told G-d could never use my talents and no producer would ever be interested in me. That hurt more then anything that was said before.
Before that I was betrayed by someone I trusted like a parent figure, claimed a bunch of crap with music but wanted me to sell my soul to the devil. I was to trusting and I paid a price. I felt more shame then I can even explain, and being told G-d hated me because of it, damaged me. I told G-d that day, what I did. But G-d was gracious and compassionate to me. I do not need to go into details about it. But I felt like a failure and like my family was always bailing me out shoot its not like I was used golf balls. I was a living breathing person and didn’t deserve what happened. Being told it was G-d punishment was a lie G-d doesn’t do that type of thing.
Yes G-d punishes or rebukes his children but never in a way that damages that person beyond repair. G-d will lead us and sometimes their are consequences to our disobedience if we do not heed him. What happened to me was not from G-d.
The final straw was when I had a friend feel it was okay to claim he wrote a song I had shared with him. This hurt me deeper then anything that was said to me. I felt betrayed and frustrated I don’t know like maybe trusting should never be done. It took me a long time to finally take lessons. Have I shared anything new with anyone no. Will I, I don’t know, but I believe their is a good chance I will.
In time wounds can be healed. The other day I was talking to a friend. She decided to be agnostic a long time ago because of what happened to her. I understand it, I wish I could tell her it wasn’t G-d who caused this amount of pain, but I bet a lot of people tell her that. I wish I could remove the pain but there no way to remove a person pain. Time sometimes is a healer but with out G-d time does little good at healing wounds.
Healing takes time, healing with shame takes time and sometimes we have to realize that the shame is not ours to have.