No more bible college for me

Today I was sharing with some people and someone bless their heart had suggested I go to a Christian college for my master in counseling. Everytime someone suggests I go to a Christian college I just want to crawl out of my skin. It took me a long time to even go back to college and with much encouragement from my husband. I still feel at times I am not good enough or smart enough, because of the words spoken to me by those in spiritual leadership. I wasn’t just told G-d could never use me, that no producer would be interested in my talent , ect. Someone in the psychology department told me I was too stupid to be in college. After so many negative words being spoken to me there I started believing this, and I still struggle with not believing those words, even though I graduated with a solid GPA high enough to get into almost any Master program I want to get it. I do not want to go to any Christian college because I have found secular colleges don’t care if you are “stupid”. The UOP never told me, I was stupid when I struggled to grasp concepts or ideas, they spoke with me never once making me feel inadequate to do the task at hand.
It amazes people when I tell them what I went through in Bible college, because this wasn’t Christ like behavior, and it caused me damage. I have gained a lot of confidence but I am terrified to leave UOP and go to another school because I am scared I will hear those ugly words. Of your not smart enough. Well maybe my intelligence shouldn’t have been question but the inability of the professor to explain things in a way I understood them. The your not talented or what have you.
Something I remembered today which I had forgotten for a long time. Was I was helping with worship at a church where they were close to some in the music department and I was told, “you’re not one of the top 2 best singers so you can’t sing anymore.” I think we as believers need to be careful of the words we speak. The words we speak can damage someone.
Yes I know I should not look for man approval, and I get after my husband for it. I have hide a lot of myself from people at church to try to protect myself, because I do not want to be hurt again. I have recently started allowing people to know me.
One of my friends at church pretty much told me today he was going to encourage me through my Master Program, which is nice. I know I can do it. The question is will I live in fear which eventually could give me serious problems. I can always just go for it, apply at other colleges for my master in Counseling or Social work, and pray they will have the same values but sadly, I do not think I will get it from my Brother and Sister in the L-rd and this saddens me.
I am honest about, I know I wasn’t the best student the first time I went to college. I didn’t know my learning style was and how to use it. I also went to a school that thought Dyslexia meant I was less of a person. I am not saying they should have kept me in the music department but then again they should have never accepted me into the music department if I wasn’t talented enough to begin with its not like I am something who doesn’t have feelings. I might not look as good as Hon office furniture, but I have my own quality. I wish I would have known it back then so I could have avoided the pain of the experiences.
Have I forgiven those people who have spoke cruelly to me yes, has it helped me yes in some ways but I think confidence will be something I struggle with until I am where I want to be.
To encourage those people who know what I am talking about and feel you can’t do it or not good enough, don’t listen to that, do not let the enemy rob you like he done me. To my friends who read this your encouragement has been valuable to me and has helped me not give up. Another thing Bible college can be great for some.