Have something to learn

I am someone who does not believes that a person can stop learning, or there are only so many lessons in life. My granny is very ill right now, and I honestly am pretty upset. I can not go and see her, so if she passes I won’t even have money to go to her funeral. This is upsetting to me. My school hasn’t got my disbursement yet, because there been some kind of complication on some of their students money. Some of the money covers my cost of living expenses but would help with a family emergency. I feel guilty.

The Last time I saw Granny, I had to tell my family she was no longer safe to live on her own with my uncle. I feel responsible for the decision my family made. I know it was for her own good, and she could not be at home. It was at a point where my uncle could not even leave the house. Now I am faced with her possibly passing away, and not being able to see her. What do I have to learn from this I do not know. My granny was the one who fought to keep me when no one wanted me. She has often told me dad would be proud of me and she proud of me. This means a lot to me. She never gave up on me, so i feel kind of like I have betrayed her.

I take care of my husband dad but we were able to do this for him and if he was were granny was at, we’d have to make the same heart breaking decision. Part of me worries that dad could go to even though right now he healthy outside of his Alzheimer and dementia and refusing the drink enough water. I know I shouldn’t worry about may happen but I do. I am close to my husband dad too.. He a good man, and he special to me.

What do I have to learn, in this I am not sure. I know G-d is in control and I don’t need any yoga mat to pray. That’s about all I know. I know I need to pray, but the lesson to this might come later. Granny is 86 yrs old so she not young and has had a long life and she been there for me.